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Reminiscing about the past

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Jan. 3rd, 2007 | 06:35 am

I can't sleep. It may have something to do with the fact that I slept for 10+ hours the day before. It might.

I didn't bother bringing home my paper diary this trip home so when I felt the urge to write in a diary, I wrote in the back of an old diary that I'd never bothered to completely fill up. That started my trip into the past.

It's now been just a few months over 4 years since my meeting with this guy that I fell pretty hard for. I was reading back some of the emails that I wrote him where I spilled my gutts and told him how I felt and I realized how much unbearable it is for me to read those emails with each passing year. I feel like such a fool for doing that over and over again even after he had really made it pretty clear in his answers. But I guess we aren't always rational when we are...infatuated with someone.

It's just weird, I guess. Many things have changed and I am, of course, no longer the person that I was back then. My life is much better now, I think, I don't constantly write in my diary about how much I hate myself or my life. That's gotta be an improvement. But some things don't change and I still find myself thinking a lot about him during certain times of the year. Not the way I used to, of course. It helps though, now that I've accepted the fact that I just will never fully get rid of him and all I can really do is try to keep my mind off of it, which really isn't too hard.

Ah, the follies of youth and I am so young still...

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from: fyxation
date: Jan. 3rd, 2007 05:53 pm (UTC)

Earlier last year, I took my own stroll down memory lane as I re-read my paper diaries from about the age of 15 and up. Mind you, for me, that's about 12 years worth of scribbles and meanderings. It was difficult reading through some of my sloppier moments in life that I'd bothered to record... especially when it got up to the time I fell in love... Or, rather, love ran up and smacked me on the head with a frying pan. The years following that, I subconsciously repressed. Just reading those pages and journals was like reading someone else's thought, though I know they were mine.

Despite that, I think it was helpful. It's one of those quirks of actually realizing you're an adult; the more foolish you think you are or were, the more mature you really are. At least, I hope so.

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from: jonassen
date: Jan. 7th, 2007 10:50 pm (UTC)

Well, the good thing abut growing up is learning from our mistakes.

How are you?!?!? I havent' talked to you in so long.

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